


The Kid

by Ellie_S219



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Domestic, Gay Male Character, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2020-07-09 20:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie_S219/pseuds/Ellie_S219
Summary: A collection of random stories where Crowley has chosen to adopt a non-binary child named Alex.





	1. When Aziraphale Met Alex

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all like this series, it's just going to be a random thing that I update when I get stuck on my more formal writing stuff so I can't promise regular updates.

Aziraphale watched another customer that he’d successfully scared out of the shop as they left. It had been a while since he’d invited Crowley over for drinks, and Aziraphale finally called him. 

The demon picked up the phone a little more slowly than he usually did, but Aziraphale paid no attention to delay as he said, “Crowley I was wondering if you’d come over for drinks this afternoon.” 

Even on the phone, Crowley seemed distracted, “Yeah, sounds great. We’ll see you at around three, try to have something without alcohol in it.” 

After Crowley hung up, Aziraphale put the phone down.  _ What did he mean by we? And why does he want a drink without alcohol in it?  _ Aziraphale wondered as he picked out a book to read until three. 

*****

At three, Crowley walked into the shop followed by a young teenager in jeans and a black hoodie. The kid anxiously followed Crowley to the back of the shop as Aziraphale greeted them. 

“Good to see you Crowley, and,” Aziraphale leaned out of the kid’s view before mouthing, “You know you were followed, right?”

Crowley nodded, “Yeah, don’t worry about it. Alex already knows the whole angel and demon thing.” 

“Oh good, well it’s very nice to meet you Ms.Alex.”

Alex gave a small nod but Crowley corrected Aziraphale, “Mx., non-binary.” 

Aziraphale gave a small jump, “Oh my apologies, it’s very nice to meet you Mx.Alex.” 

Alex had a quiet voice, “Thank you.”

Crowley nudged them with his arm, “See, don’t be afraid to correct people. Yell at them if you have to.” 


	2. Cat Bracelets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley would be the ultimate parent for any sort of LGBTQ+ child and nothing you say will ever convince me otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for the pronouns, Alex uses she/he/or they for day to day stuff, but for constant descriptions or whatever they just use they/them. 
> 
> Also writing a genderfluid character because I know my friends read this and this is a way easier way for me to come out as genderfluid and provide a definition and stuff without going on an unnecessary rant. This is also turning into a bit of a weird therapy-ish thing since my parents are having kind of awkward reactions to the whole thing. YAY! 
> 
> Also, I live in the US and I have no idea how adoption or foster care works in the UK, but in America it's a pretty fucked up system, so I'm just writing based on that.

It was only after Alex had been around for a few weeks when Aziraphale finally got a chance to talk to Crowley without them around. Alex had joined them for dinner several times and despite Aziraphale seeing no difference in how Alex looked, Crowley seemed to constantly switch the pronouns he used for them. Some days Alex was she, other days he, and at this point, Aziraphale was growing continually more concerned that he’d use the wrong pronouns one day. 

Alex never seemed concerned when other people got them wrong, but Aziraphale figured he was a more constant figure in the child’s life, and he wanted to be a happy influence. 

Crowley showed up at the shop with some food and Aziraphale smiled as he remembered what it was like to talk to his friend before Alex arrived. 

“Good morning, Crowley.”

“Morning Angel, I brought pizza.” Crowley put the pizza down on the counter.

“Oh, that sounds lovely, care for a drink?”

Crowley shook his head as he turned down a drink for the first time since Aziraphale knew him, “No thanks, I’ve got to drive Alex home after school today and he doesn’t like when I drink.”

“Well, you could just sober up before you go?” 

Crowley shook his head, “Nah, he’ll be able to tell, don’t know how but he does.”

“I guess that makes two of you.” 

“What?”

“It’s like how you can tell Alex’s pronouns all the time.”

“Well first of all, Angel, it’s called asking. I also bought them little cat bracelets, silver’s she/her, black is he/him, neither is they/them.” 

Aziraphale smiled, “That was very kind of you to get the bracelets for them.” Aziraphale picked up the box of pizza.

Crowley shrugged, “It was pretty obvious that me asking every morning was just an awkward conversation for them, and it’s more for my benefit if they're comfortable while they live with me.”

Aziraphale nearly dropped the box, “They live with you?”

“Of course, they were an orphan and you’ve seen the foster care system in this country Angel. They deserve better than that. Why did you think they were following me around all the time?”

“I simply thought you got an apprentice or something,” Aziraphale said as he walked into the back room. 

Crowley laughed, “I won’t disagree with that, the first day I had them Alex asked if I could expose the files of one of the dates websites. Apparently, it was designed solely for people to commit adultery, and exposing that information invokes a surprising amount of wrath. According to head office, I’m the kid’s apprentice if anything.”

“That’s ridiculous, they’re so much younger than you.”

“That’s the thing about humans Angel, they’re very good at coming up with ways to inconvenience others.”

“They’re human!” 

“Of course, what did you think they were another demon?”

“Yes!” Aziraphale said, his voice continuing to grow louder. It was one thing if Crowley was given an assistant by head office, but Alex being human meant that Crowley had been the one to choose to take them in. Though he didn’t quite understand why Aziraphale felt an uneasy and frankly unangelic feeling as he pictured Crowley spending time with someone other than him. The bell at the front of the shop chimed as Aziraphale continued, “That’s ridiculous! I don’t see what you think is so special about them! They’re just a human!” 

As Aziraphale stopped he saw Crowley get up and back to the front of the shop. On his way out he passed a wide-eyed Alex. “Let’s go kid.” 


	3. How Crowley Met Alex AKA Crowley Says Respect Trans Rights or DIE

It was in the window of the pet shop next to the gardening store that Crowley usually went to; a white garter snake that was curled up with a dark grey rat. Something about the aura of the two made Crowley go into the shop to look around. 

A short kid with green eyes and red hair stood by the tank with the snake that was in the window. 

“Come on Zira, you need to eat something,” The child said to the snake as they took them out of the tank to wrap around their shoulders. 

The snake gave an argumentative hiss and the kid continued, “I’m not telling you to eat Crowley stupid, I’m telling you that you have to eat something or you’ll starve to death.”

At this point, the demon Crowley walked over to the kid who had a name tag with Alex written on a piece of tape covering the original tag, “Everything alright?”

“No, but it’s a long story, and kinda boring.” 

Crowley smiled as he said, “Try me.”

The kid nudged the snake wrapped around their shoulders and said, “A few weeks ago I went to feed Zira the same as usual, but he just refused to eat the rat we put in with him. It’s very sweet that he made a friend and I’m very happy for him, but now he refuses to eat at all.”    
Crowley nodded, “Zira’s a bit of an unusual name for a snake isn’t it?”

The kid shrugged, “My parents are really religious and they didn’t like how snakes are used for symbolism for evil so they named all of the snakes after angels. Zira’s named after Aziraphale.” 

Crowley was checking out the tank as he said, “I had a pretty religious mom growing up, got kicked out of the house for asking questions. Are you sure Zira isn’t cold, he won’t eat if he’s cold.” 

“No, his heat lamp’s on high and I put a sweater on him at night. That sucks that your mom kicked you out. I really think there should be more places to go for kids when parents kick them out or when parents are just being weird and mean.” 

“You know there’s a youth’s homeless center literally down the road?” 

“Yeah, but they wouldn’t let me bring Zira and Crowley with me. Something about the other kids being afraid of snakes and there was something about me having too many books and they wanted me to get rid of them.” 

The kid’s mom yelled from behind the counter, “Stephanie, did you get Aziraphale to eat that stupid rat yet?”

“Not yet Mom!” 

The snake in question seemed to flinch at the yelling, or maybe it was the topic being discussed, and the kid comforted them, “I’m not gonna make you eat your friend, but you do need to eat something.”

“Can I try?” The kid handed over Zira as Crowley said, “I still haven’t introduced myself, Anthony he/him.” 

The kid had a big smile and said, “Alex, they/them, unless my mom asks then it’s Stephanie.” 

Crowley nodded as he let Zira wrap around his shoulders, “That’s a shame, Alex is an adorable name.” 

“Thanks,” Alex picked up a small fish and held it out in front of Zira, “Fish has always been his favorite.” 

Crowley took the fish and held it out to Zira, “Come on now, your friend is very worried about you.” 

Zira carefully took the food and slowly ate and Alex took him back, “See, was that so difficult. Thanks for the help.” 

“No problem,” Crowley said looking over to where the rest of the snake tanks were far away from Zira’s, “Why is he so far away from the others?”

“The others kept bullying him, Gabriel even tried to bite him one time. Gabriel tries to bite everybody though, that’s why we all hate him.” 

Crowley nodded, “Well, it’s about time that I get going. Hope everything gets better for you kid.” 

“Stephanie! Come clean out the birdcages!” 

“Okay, Mom!” Alex yelled as they put Zira back in his tank. “It was nice meeting you, I hope you come back if you ever need a friend, I’ll make sure you get one of the nice ones.” 

*****

Seven hours later, Crowley was driving down the same road that had the pet store was on. The only light was a bright fire that consumed the entire shop and the apartment above it. 

Sitting on the curb with a suitcase and Zira’s tank was a calm Alex. When they saw Crowley they stood and walked over to his car. 

Crowley got out of his car and asked a question he already knew the answer to, “What happened?”

“There was a fire upstairs, I don’t think Mom got out. The firemen said all of the animals are okay though. They said they’ll work on finding them all places to live, I don’t know what their plan is for me though.” 

Crowley still had his sunglasses on despite it being ten at night, “I could illegally adopt you, it’s not like anything the legal system does around here is morally sound anyway. I’d rather not watch random families get paid while you get moved around like crazy.”

Alex gave a scared nod, “Yeah, just let me get my stuff.” 

Crowley shook his head, “I’ve got it, just go sit in the car.” 

After Crowley put Alex’s suitcase and Zira’s tank in the back of the Bentley he finally sat down by a very confused Alex. 

“There was somebody on the radio asking for Crowley. I’m assuming that’s your last name, because he sounded important, and the call sounded very important. Something about a meeting, I told him you’ll call him back, but I don’t know how you call people through cars.” 

“Shit, okay kid. I need to explain a lot of information very quickly because I don’t call him back he calls me back and when he calls back he’s going to be furious that I didn’t answer the first time.” 

“I’m sorry, I would’ve just hung up on him if I could’ve.” 

“No, you can’t hang up on him. He’ll find me, no matter where I am or what I do they always know how to find me.” 

“Are you a spy?”

“No. I’m a demon, the man that you were on the phone with was somebody from head office and they want me to go tell them how many evil things I’ve done recently.”

Alex nodded, “So are angels real too?”

“Yes, I’ll introduce you to one later if you want.” 

“Cool,” Alex said as Crowley started driving back to his flat.

“You seem extremely calm about all of this.”

“Yeah, I’ve watched enough tv and read enough books to get kinda desensitized the idea of weird shit happening at this point.” 

“That’s fair. Are you sure you’re alright?” Crowley asked before glancing over at Alex quickly and yelling, “Put your seatbelt on!” 

Alex followed the instruction and laughed, “Some demon you are, worried about a kid.” 


	4. Time for a Change

_ Crowley! Where are you?  _

Alex turned to Crowley dramatically and said, “The voices are back!” 

Crowley mouthed at Alex, ‘Zip it.’ before answering his boss, “Hello, lord.”

_ Who was that Crowley? _

“Oh don’t mind them lord, just a…” Crowley trailed off not having any good answer. 

“He kidnapped me!” Alex answered, “He kidnapped me and he’s telling me everything that’s wrong with the world and teaching my little human heart hatred and wrath. Then I’m gonna go start a war in a few years, it’ll be fun.” Alex had a giant smile and a thumbs-up as they answered. 

_ Is that true Crowley? _

“Well,” 

_ Because that would be one of the greatest ideas you had in a long time, Crowley. _

“You’re not very good at your job are you?” Alex asked watching Crowley as he drove.

_ Ha! I’ll tell you what Crowley, we’ll let you keep the child as an apprentice. We won’t even make you kill it when it outlives its usefulness.  _

Alex shrugged, “I’m not sure how I feel about it as a pronoun. I feel like I get objectified enough as a girl.” 

The voice hesitated,  _ What are your pronouns, child? _

“They/them.” 

_ Alright. Crowley, we won’t even make you kill them when they outlive their usefulness. _

“Thank you.” 

“You realize he’s literally going to kill you, right?”

Alex nodded, “When I outlive my usefulness, I just have to never stop being useful. I will as annoying as possible for as long as I live.” 

_ This child sounds smarter than you, Crowley. I think you just might end up being their apprentice. _

“Thanks, new boss dude.”


	5. Making a House a Home

After the rather awkward call with Satan, Crowley and Alex finally arrived at what had been Crowley’s flat for the past several decades. 

The sound of their footsteps and the rolling of suitcase wheels echoed through the flat. 

“Dude, how the hell do you live like this?”

Crowley answered defensively, “I’m a demon, I don’t need all of the annoying accessories that humans do.” 

Alex walked past a room with Crowley’s ridiculously large bed in it. “Right, but you have a bed.” 

“Of course, I suppose you’ll probably need one too won’t you,” Crowley said miracling up another bedroom for Alex with a nice table in the corner for Zira’s tank. 

Alex immediately looked into the room, “Woah, that was awesome! Can I have a tv in my room?” A tv appeared on the wall, “And a mini-fridge?” A mini-fridge appeared in the corner. “That’s so cool!” 

Crowley smiled, it had been a while since anyone knew about his power without yelling at him for it. “Of course, anything else that you humans need that I’m forgetting?”

Alex shrugged and looked around at the other rooms in the flat, “Bathrooms are generally a thing humans need, and I’m starting to wonder if you even have food and kitchenware in the kitchen, or if you even have a kitchen.” 

“Of course I have a kitchen, don’t be ridiculous,” Crowley said miracling up a kitchen and bathroom in the parts of the flat Alex had yet to explore.

Alex found the kitchen, which consisted of marble counters and expensive appliances that even Crowley didn’t plan on. Snacks lined the counter and cabinets, all Alex’s favorites of course. 

“This is so cool! Can I eat in my room?” 

Crowley looked around the kitchen, “Sure, do whatever you want.” 

He’d made the kitchen as a mix of what Alex realistically expected and what they hoped for. Crowley had to admit, at the kid had style. 

As Alex looked around the kitchen they said, “This place is like the Tardis!” 

“The what?”

Alex’s face lit up, “We have  _ got  _ to watch Dr.Who!”


	6. The Beginning of the End

It was a warm night as Crowley and Alex drove up to give their quarterly report on evil deeds. Hastur and Ligur were waiting for them as the two loudly sang, though it was more like screeching than singing. 

The Bentley slammed to a halt and the two stepped out and walked over to the mud-covered demons. Alex waved, “Hello!” 

Hastur and Ligur smiled at the child and Hastur greeted them, “Hello human child, now that we are all finally present, let us discuss the deeds of the day.” 

Hastur and Ligur each told stories of tempting priests and businessmen. When it was Alex’s turn they held up their right wrist to show a white bracelet, “I walked around the mall with a giant bag from the lingerie store there, invoking envy from any teenagers attracted to men and lust from any teenagers attracted to women, as well as a emotional conflict for those attracted to both.” 

Hastur nodded, “Excellent job,” he turned to Crowley, “and what exactly have you been doing all day?”

Crowley smiled extremely proud of himself, “Alex and I also shut down the entire London mobile phone network.” 

“Okay, and what does that do?”

Alex added, “It invokes wrath in the population of one of the biggest cities in the world. Businessmen can’t make their meetings, hospitals can’t call for more supplies, more than a few people will die from that, lazy bastards can’t call for food-delivery.” 

“Right,” Hastur started, “Well that isn’t exactly evil now is it?”

Crowley shrugged and Ligur said, “It doesn’t matter. That isn’t what we called you here for.” Ligur lifted a basket from seemingly nowhere. “This is why we called you here.” 

Crowley looked at the basket in shock as Alex grabbed it. “Is that-”

“Yes.” Ligur nodded as he confirmed the question that Alex had yet to hear.

“You want me to-”

“Yes,” Hastur said, proud that he was even remotely involved in the project. 

“Already?”

“Yes.” Both demons said before turning to Alex. 

Hastur asked, “Is everything alright, human child?”

Alex opened up the basket and saw a baby. “Ew, why is it a baby?” Alex gasped, “Is hell where babies come from? That would make a lot of sense. They’re all gross and wrinkly and screamy.” 

Hastur nodded, “Gross and wrinkly indeed, though that is no human baby. That is our master’s child, the antichrist. You and Crowley must deliver him to a human hospital where he will be swapped with a mortal child and raised into his powers. You, human child, shall play a hand in bringing about Armageddon.” 

Alex nodded, “So I’m assuming, since he’s super important, it would be bad if I dropped him?”

“Yes.” 

Alex nodded and handed the basket to Crowley, “You hold him then, cause if he vomits while I’m holding him I’ll throw him in the nearest ditch.” 

Hastur’s face soured as he asked, “Do babies normally vomit?”Alex nodded, “Well it’s a good thing he didn’t do that on the way up. You two should go, the ambassador’s wife won’t be in labor forever.” 

Crowley nodded and left wordlessly. Alex gave a small bow and said, “Goodbye, have a horrible night you two!” 

Hastur and Ligur smiled and waved at Alex as she walked back to the car. Neither of them was sure of how humans normally acted, but this child was rather wicked, which by their standards was great. 

Crowley raced down the road for a few minutes, mostly cursing at the steering wheel and asking why he had to be involved in this whole situation. The radio changed and responded, “Because you’ve earned this Crowley.” 

“Hi, Satan!” Alex said rapidly waving at the dashboard of the Bentley. 

Crowley slammed his face into the steering wheel. 

_ Hello Alex. This is not Lucifer, this is Dagon.  _

“I’m sorry, the radio makes everybody’s voices sound the same. Hi Dagon!” 

_ Hello child, I just need to give Crowley the instructions for the beginning of Armageddon.  _

“Okie Dokie.”


	7. David

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale got himself a kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize it but I've made Alex and David both look like Crowley and Aziraphale respectively. These two are finna be best friends.

After Crowley was given the instructions Alex asked, “What are we doing?”

“Dropping off the baby, he’ll replace the son of the US ambassador and in eleven years he’ll start Armageddon.” 

“Where will the ambassador’s actual son go?”

Crowley shrugged, “Wherever satanic nuns normally put surplus babies.” 

Alex nodded as they drove up to a small hospital. There was a man waiting outside, and as Crowley grabbed the basket with the antichrist he said, “You wait out here, if that man tries to start anything there’s a knife in the glove box.”

Alex waited for Crowley to come back. The first thing he said getting back into the car was, “I need to call Aziraphale.” 

“Too bad we took down the mobile network then,” Alex said looking out the window at a small car and an ambulance surrounded by security. The small car seemed out of place among the armored vehicles, at the time Alex thought nothing of it. 

The two drove all the way into London and to Aziraphale’s bookshop. It was the first time that the two had been back since Aziraphale’s little outburst about Alex being human. 

As they walked in they saw Aziraphale very politely trying to scare away a customer. When he saw Crowley and Alex he swiftly walked over to them. 

He spoke to Alex first, “My dear I’m so very sorry about what I said last time. I didn’t mean for it to sound rude but usually, it never ends well when one of us befriends a mortal.” 

“It’s okay, Crowley has something he needs to talk to you about though.” 

Crowley walked further into the shop, “Preferably without company.” He glared at the remaining customers. They all left without a word. 

Aziraphale smiled, “I had news I wanted to tell you too! I’m found a forgotten human myself! I’ve learned so much. Did you know the humans were still rude to those with attraction to the same sex? I thought they learned to accept them back in Greece! Apparently they regressed with their acceptance, rather rude of them.” 

Crowley’s mouth was open, he had expected to go on a rant about the apocalypse when Aziraphale went on his own rant. “You what?”

A boy who looked the same age as Alex walked down the stairs in the back of the shop. He was blonde though his hair was darker as it got closer to his head. Freckles dotted the fair white skin on his arms, though there didn’t seem to be any on his face. 

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and smiled as he looked at Crowley. “You must be Crowley.” 

Crowley was frozen with his jaw open. Alex nodded, “He is, and you are?”

“David, he/him.” 

Alex smiled at David, “Alex, they/them. How much do you know about these two exactly?”

“I know that they’re a demon and an angel.” 

“Okay good.”

Crowley blinked twice before saying, “Yeah, hi. Aziraphale we need to talk. The kids can stay here, or we can drop them off at the flat. There’s more for them to do at the flat.” 

“Alright, is everything okay?”

“No.” 


	8. The Apartment pt. 1

Crowley had dropped David and Alex off at the flat. He had also slipped a small button into Alex’s hand when Aziraphale and David were standing farther away.

“If he does anything that makes you uncomfortable, push the button. I’ll be here immediately. Even if it’s something trivial. I don’t know this guy and I certainly don’t trust him, even if Aziraphale does. Have fun.” 

David and Alex were now in Alex’s room watching tv. Crowley had made Alex’s room large enough to put a couch between the tv and the bed. 

David looked around the room. “This is awesome. My room at the shop is so small compared to this.”

“When they get back you can ask for a bigger one. I don’t think you’ll have that long to enjoy it though.” 

“Why?”

Alex shrugged, “I think the world’s going to end. Crowley and I dropped off a baby that’s supposed to start armageddon.”

“Oh.” David frowned at the fast-moving images on the tv, neither of them was watching the actual show. 

“So,” Alex broke the silence. “How’d Aziraphale pick you up?”


	9. How Aziraphale Met David Aka Chaotic Gay Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale uses his chaotic gay guy vibes to calm a local gay (his future adopted son).

Aziraphale was going to his favorite bakery, one that by coincidence (or miracle) was just down the road from his shop. 

There were townhomes lining the road as Aziraphale passed the colorful buildings. He felt the presence of a great fear as he passed the last home. There was yelling. A shattering sound of glass breaking. The front door opened and a boy was thrown out onto the front steps. 

Aziraphale rushed over and caught the boy before his face could slam into the concrete stairs. “Are you alright?” 

The boy’s face was covered in tears and freckles. There was lipgloss on his mouth, though it had been smudged during the argument earlier. The boy tried to answer but only let out sobs. 

Aziraphale used a miracle to make everyone else on the street ignore them both. He also made sure that whoever was in the house stayed there as he and the boy sat down on the steps. 

When his crying slowed he said, “Thank you for catching me.” 

“Oh don’t worry about it. I’m just glad I was close enough to catch you. May I ask what happened?” 

The boy looked at Aziraphale for a moment. He sniffled and said, “I was trying on lipgloss and my dad asked me what the hell I was doing. I said I was just trying it because a friend of mine said it would look nice on me. He started yelling and threw me out here.” 

“Why would he be angry about that?”

“It was a male friend.” 

“So? Why would he be upset about a friend commenting on your appearance?”

“Well Isaac’s a bit more than a friend.” 

“And?”

The boy looked up at Aziraphale. “You really don’t get why he was angry do you?”

“No. I know that sort of relationship would’ve caused problems a while ago but you humans solved that centuries ago.” Aziraphale looked back at the door of the house as if it would give him an answer. 

“What?” 

“Hm?”

“What do you mean ‘you humans’?” 

“Oh, um,” Aziraphale looked down and saw bruises on the boy’s arms and large cuts that had scabbed over on the boy’s wrists. “Let me see your arms!” Aziraphale gasped already reaching for the boy’s hands. 

He quickly healed the cuts and bruises. The boy scrambled back. “How did you do that?” 

Aziraphale still held the boy’s arm, “That’s a long story. Would you like to go get some food first?” 


End file.
